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Something Old, Something New: Getting Back to the Roots of Dating

Author Stephen King once wrote, “Sooner or later, everything old is new again.” Dating is no different. As it evolves, the realization hits that we need to get back to basics. That despite the advent of dating apps and transformation of modern dating, we can’t lose focus on the core roots of relationship building.

Why is dating harder today than it was in the past?

More than 49 million Americans have tried online dating. That’s an overwhelming number of people vying for connection. With so many potential partners at our fingertips, it’s easy to think there might be something better one swipe away.

Social media has become a driving force in painting an inaccurate picture of the “perfect love.” Our feeds are inundated with expensive vacations and fancy dinners, and it’s easy to think that love just means these big moments. But it’s the small, everyday things that drive relationships. There just isn’t anything Instagram worthy about couples paying bills together. After the initial spark wears off and routine sets in, we become bored and want to experience the exciting spark once had again. For many, starting fresh feels easier than digging deeper into their current relationship to reignite those first date flutters.

Then, there are the games. Games have made dating much harder than it was in the past. Ghosting and other dating games are not only hurtful, but show a lack of empathy from those that participate in them. And the pressure to be perfect, so as not to ruin a good thing, can leave us feeling overwhelmed.

How has “hookup culture” changed what relationships looked like?

Instead of taking time to build an emotional bond, people are rushing into physical connections. Hookup culture puts less emphasis on communication and relationship-building. And when the physical relationship is no longer fulfilling, people are left with feelings of loneliness that start the cycle all over again.

What are some ways technology has impacted modern dating?

Technological advancements have increased the speed of dating. A user can swipe right, chat, send photos, and meet the person IRL in less than an hour. If they don’t feel that instant spark, they can start swiping on their way home. While this seems like a great idea, love, like friendship, needs time to grow.
Technology can also make it easier to overanalyze everything. Why haven’t they messaged me back? Why do they still have photos of their ex? Why didn’t they like my post?

Lastly, it makes it harder to move on from past relationships. Technology has made it convenient to peek at their social media and keep track of what they’re doing, making it hard to find closure and truly move on.
What’s the bottom line?

Dating apps make it easy to create our checklist and ignore people who don’t fit our “perfect” criteria. It allows us to orchestrate who we meet. While there are some success stories, apps can make it easy for the personal aspect of dating to disappear. We run the risk of not allowing ourselves to be surprised, of sticking to the same old, boring thing. It’s entirely possible that our perfect person doesn’t fit the checklist we’ve created, and that by refusing to deviate from it, we’re missing out on love.

How do we get back to the roots of dating?

We need to put more emphasis on face-to-face connection. The way you feel when you’re with someone can only emerge when you spend time together.
We need to remember people are their imperfections as much as their perfections. When we get too logistical with what we want in a partner, we forget to let our heart have a voice.

We need to stop comparing our whole story to someone else’s snapshot.
Because we know how difficult today’s dating scene can be, Cox Advice is here to help you navigate the rocky terrain of modern dating with personalized coaching.